Gaston Gazette

 - by Bernie Petit  (This article was published in the Gaston Gazette, March 17, 2011)

 

Meet the latest addition to the endangered species list: the true gentleman.

Oh, they still exist, but they’re few and far between, said etiquette consultant Savannah Shaw.

 

“Quite a few men are confused as to how to treat women nowadays,” said Shaw, a Gloucestershire, England, native and graduate of the Protocol School of Washington. “There’s no blame here to be put upon anybody. I think somebody needs to just communicate that (chivalry) is still important and let’s not be too lackadaisical about it.”

 

That’s not intended as an indictment against modern men, however.

 

“I think men are super and they do a good job, but like all of us, they can do better,” Shaw said. “When I say better, I’m talking about being better in presenting ourselves, respecting ourselves and others and being our very best.”

 

In other words, it’s time for men to step up their game. Here are seven ways guys can prevent the order of real gentlemen from becoming extinct.

 

1. You only get one shot. There are several ingredients to making a good introduction, Shaw said, but the first step is to stand, no matter where you are, unless it causes disruption. “That’s the most important one there is,” she said. “You wouldn’t believe how many people don’t do it.” When being introduced, you should also smile, maintain good posture, make eye contact, speak clearly and offer a firm handshake.

 

2. Respect yourself. “Chivalry and decorum,” Shaw said, “is all about diplomacy. When you see somebody that’s confident in themselves and happy in their own skin, they usually are very good at setting a relaxed tone.” So even though society has changed over the years, having respect for yourself and others – the very essence of being a gentleman – remains a constant. Having respect extends to being aware of your behavior, understanding your environment and acting appropriately.

 

3. Turn off the cell phones. “Technology is a fabulous thing unless not managed properly, then it can be to our detriment,” Shaw said. “I see a lot of inappropriate use of cell phones.” The most egregious mistake is constantly texting, reading e-mails or updating Facebook statuses when you’re on a date or in a social situation. “Cell phones should not take precedent over who you’re spending time with unless it’s an emergency,” she said.

 

4. Watch what you say. “There’s a lackadaisical attitude toward language, quite frankly, so in the spirit of raising our game, having a good command of one’s language and means of verbal communication is important,” Shaw said. That means not using slang inappropriately, cutting out the foul language and showing respect for others through your words.

 

5. Clothes make the man. You would no more wear a three-piece suit to a company picnic as you would show up to a board meeting in jeans and a T-shirt. “It’s not about dressing one way at all,” Shaw said, “it’s knowing how to dress for different occasions and knowing how to dress appropriately to convey what you want to convey about yourself.” Buy the best quality clothes you can afford and take care of them. Don’t go out in dirty clothes (sadly, that needs to be said). Expressing yourself through what you wear is fine, she said, but balance your self-expression with a sense of appropriateness.

 

6. When it comes to dating… Asking a lady out on a date via text or e-mail is a big no-no, Shaw said. When making plans, be mindful of the other person’s tastes as well as your own. And don’t forget to treat a lady like a lady by doing the little things, such as opening the door for her, standing when she comes to the table and taking off your cap indoors. “I think we’ve gotten away form the dance of the courtship and I think that’s a shame, quite frankly,” she said. “I think some things have changed about men and women through the times but quite a few things have not. I think men should be proud to be men and women should embrace their femininity.”

 

7. Picking up the bill. There’s often confusion about who should pay, who should order and when, and who should pick the restaurant, Shaw said. To clarify, it’s the inviter who pays and picks the restaurant. A gentleman should also allow a lady to order first or offer to order for her (and the lady can politely refuse if she wishes to order for herself).

 

Need More Help?

 

Savannah Shaw offers expertise in business, personal and international etiquette through her company, Savannah Shaw Professional & Personal Development. Upcoming courses in the summer and fall include “The Art of Being a Gentleman” and “The Art of Being a Lady,” in addition to a course for couples and a professional business etiquette class at Queens University in Charlotte. For more information, visit www.savannahshaw.com.